Too Many Thoughts

are running through my head and I can't sleep.  I went to bed almost three hours ago, and was awakened by leg cramps.  Now, I can't seem to sleep.  Bubby had a seizure earlier this evening.  He's been complaining of headaches, and has had some vomiting.  Mary has been stumped as to the cause, and tonight it became clear.  It's probably been almost three years since I actually witnessed one of his seizures, and I didn't really see this one either.  He was very quiet, and Mary asked him to sit at the table and help her get dinner ready, more to keep an eye on him than anything.  It's so strange the way it happens.  One minute he was in the living room talking to his Uncle George and kissing Izzy goodbye, and the next he was in the kitchen talking gibberish and unable to move his legs.  But his hand was jerking, his hand jerks every time.  Almost as bad as Bubby's seizures is Krissy's reaction to them.  Tonight, she came into the living room with a terrified look on her face, and cried to me, "Grammy, he can't talk.  He's just talking gibberish."  It scares her so.  And so, if I'm around, Mary sends her to me.  We've always stayed together when he's had problems, right from his birth.  During surgeries, seizures and hospitalizations, it's been Krissy and I together.  When she was younger, she would just get very quiet and want to hug.  Now, she voices her fears, and becomes almost hysterical.  I think she knows how serious they are now.

Mary and family

Mary and Jimmy leave me in awe when something like this happens.  As Mary is sending Krissy to me, she is getting Jimmy.  He takes Bubby away from the other people and stays by his side, while Mary calls Children's.  If he comes out of the seizure by himself, it's a good thing;  but if he doesn't, she's on the phone ready to get instruction from neurology.  My mother-in-law always said that God gives children with special needs to special parents, and he certainly did that in this case.  Mary and Jimmy were probably the last people that you would have thought could handle the stresses of a special needs child; and yet, they do it so well.  I'm so proud of the people that they have become.

It's uncanny how life gets in the way.  We all go on living our lives and not one of us stopped to think about how much Bubby has grown, how his weight has changed, and that perhaps it was time to get his levels checked.  A script for lab work is on it's way, and tonight Mary seemed relieved to think that all the problems with headaches and vomiting lately could be decreased anti-seizure medication levels.  When compared to a shunt malfunction and all it involves, the seizure is certainly the lesser of two evils.  And so, this blog is dedicated to my daughter, Mary.  She is always the same, never down.  She deals on a daily basis with the struggles of raising a child with special needs, the decreased income due to her unemployment, and the stresses of returning to school for a masters degree in education, focused on special education.  I've always said that a woman is like a tea bag . . . you don't know her strength until she's in hot water.  That is certainly the case with Mary.  She is a rock, a trooper, a great friend, a loving wife, mother, daughter and sister.  But most of all she is a woman with great heart.  And she makes me want to be a better person.  I love you, Mary and I'm so blessed to have you in my life.